5 Terrible Movies You MUST See.


5 Terrible Movies

5. Transformers 2-5

Transformers

OK, this is really 4 movies. But follow along here. The original Transformers movie was considered an OK movie, not great but not terrible either. Most die-hard Transformers fans were a little disappointed, while casual fans seemed to think it was fine. The sequels were equally panned by everyone. The names were the first sign of trouble – Revenge Of The FallenDark Of The MoonAge Of Extinction, and The Last Knight sound like names submitted by 4th-graders in a “name the movie” contest. The action sequences are what makes these movies unique. You know how you can see something ridiculous and think, “why did they put that in there” and that’s what you talk about with your friends? These movies have those things in them multiple times so that you don’t remember them all and don’t end up thinking “this was a terrible movie.” It’s so ridiculous it’s actually entertaining.

4. Troll 2

Troll

This 1990 film has several issues. 1) There are absolutely no trolls in the film or even mentions of them. 2) It is in no way related to the 1986 film “Trolls.” 3) That is because the name was changed from “Goblin” in hopes it would attract the attention of the original. But if you picked up this movie having never heard of or seen the original, and thus didn’t have the expectations of matching with the original, you can then judge this movie on its own merit. This film had almost no budget and some actors who had never acted before. It’s the kind of movie that you will enjoy if you enjoy purposely watching bad movies, which some people do. More on that with the next movie in this review.

3. Amazon Women On the Moon

Amazon Women

You have to work a little to follow the plot on this one. You the viewer are watching the TV broadcast of a movie that was first in theaters, and the channel you’re watching promises you are watching the movie “completely uncut with no commercial interruption.” The problem is, some hacker keeps interrupting the broadcast with commercials and skits. The channel tries to return the viewer to the actual “Amazon Women On the Moon” broadcast and the hacker keeps interrupting. The actual movie is terribly-made, cheesy, has cheap props and the acting is awful. The interruptions are hilarious and feature some very big names in the entertainment world, including Arsenio Hall, Roxie Roker, and B.B. King, who tells us the sad tale of black people who are born with no soul. One of those is Don Simmons, who records an album of remakes of no-soul songs like “Tie A Yellow Ribbon ‘Round the Old Oak Tree” and Three Dog Night’s “Joy To the World” and becomes famous as Don “No Soul” Simmons – the early version of Carlton from “The Fresh Prince of Bel Air.”

2. Showgirls

Showgirls

Paul Verhoeven directed the smash hits “RoboCop” and “Total Recall” in the late 1980s, obvious successes. After that, he completely changed directions with two violent, nudity-filled thrillers. “Basic Instinct” debuted in 1992, and then “Showgirls” hit the scene in 1995. This was the only movie that had the NC-17 rating that was released nationwide. Critics hated it and it didn’t draw many viewers, and is likely the reason no one tries to make a movie rated NC-17 on purpose anymore. Elizabeth Berkley plays a drifter that dreams of making it big as a dancer in Las Vegas that has to work her way up the ladder in some terrible places with terrible people surrounding her. You wonder if this is satire mocking our cultural view of sexual entertainment, or just dumb sexual entertainment. Either way, it ends up being a fascinating movie.

1. Demolition Man

Demolition Man

This 1993 film is set in the year 2032 and stars Sylvester Stallone as a disgraced cop and Wesley Snipes as a 20th century-style criminal (with blonde hair). Sandra Bullock also makes an appearance. Political correctness has taken over the world – swearing is illegal, commercial jingles are the preferred music, every restaurant is a Taco Bell, and the police force has become so impotent that this single criminal regularly eludes them. Given the political and social climate of 2019, it is actually amusing to see what images “political correctness run amok” inspired 25 years ago.

You can look at the movies that have been produced over the course of your life and point to some and say, “that was a terrible movie.” But as time passes, some of those “terrible” movies can actually be somewhat entertaining, and possibly offer some perspective on how life changes as time goes on. What “terrible” movies do you still watch and enjoy?

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