Most of us have been told it, especially if we come from poverty: If you can earn $100,000 in a year, you’re set for wealth. All your problems are over.
Loads of people are busting their backsides, getting a higher education to nab a decently-paid job, only to find themselves doing baloney work for baloney pay. However, why bother with all of that when you can miss college altogether and do some crap job for impressive pay? Perhaps you have a profitable future in …
You’ll earn more than the designer by fixing elevators
It is possible to spend four years earning that bachelor’s degree to gain a job as a mechanical engineer. Sure, it seems a cool job, but remember it is only train engineers who get to wear the magnificent little hat.
You? You’re designing elevators and stuff—no hat was issued whatsoever.
Or you can say, “forget designing elevators,” grab a wrench and start spinning it about until people stop dropping. They were once ranked by Forbes as the best-paying blue-collar job out there. Pay on average is slightly less than that of mechanical engineers, but elevator mechanics top 10 percent nearly break $100,000 a year.
And you don’t even need any degrees to get the job. However, what you do need is contact. It is heavily dependent on apprenticeships in the industry, relying on people who already have some knowledge. Although varying by state, the general rule, elevator mechanics have a high school diploma and maybe an optional certification – with an average in the mid-$70,000 salary range, it’s a little effort for a decent salary. Although we are not exactly happy with the situation of “guidelines, vary,” it isn’t enough to make us take the stairs when we next leave the office for lunch.
Fancy chef or running a hot dog cart?
You’ll make the same!
You could spend up to four years earning a degree from a culinary school, then spend Lord how much longer working your way up the ladder from lowly cook to executive chef picking up burns, bruises, and bleeding along the way. Plus, you’ll need another part-time job; executive chef salaries usually max out at around $87,000. Of course, you could work up to the dizzy heights of having Gordan Ramsay yell at you!
Or you could distribute wieners from a questionably hygienic cart with your thicket of chest hair on show. Vendors of hot dogs across the vast nation are, on average, pulling in $100,000 a year. A vendor in a high traffic area can pull in $1,150 in a single weekend if they mush their dogs vigorously enough. However, that’s not to say it’s money for nothing and the chicks for free. On one of the most hustling corners of New York City, Mohammad Mustafa, proud pig purveyor, pays New York’s parks department $289,500 to park his cart near the central park zoo. But don’t worry for him; he manages to turn a profit still.
Being A Ship’s officer is fun but you could earn more as Longshoreman
You can attend the Merchant Marine Academy, and then spend years climbing the ranks to become a ship’s officer. It’s hard. However, a lot of money will be saved on dates as your one love will become the sea.
Alternatively, you could load and unload cargo ships. It requires no academics, and on average, you could make $70,000 to $120,000 a year. But if you stay with it long enough to climb your way up to foreman? Well, then you could rake in a smooth quarter mill in yearly salary.
To put this into the context of how much of the world’s economy depends on the ocean-going equal of truckers, a labor dispute with West Coast port workers has been estimated to have cost the U.S. economy $2 billion a day in early 2015, two billion dollars. A day. And that’s just one dispute on one coast; if my geography is right, we have two.
The best way to get started is to start hanging around the union hall, that’s our best advice, look for casual labor until you can force your way into union membership. In reality, it may help to have an “in” in the form of a relative that is union connected. Don’t forget the mob still has a significant presence in the industry, so don’t ask stupid questions and be prepared to pick up the leeway for no-show co-workers.
Study to be a physicist or dive for golf balls?
You’ll earn the same.
The average person earning a Ph.D. diploma is 33 years old, meaning you spend a good third of your life getting it, then spend the next few years, following trudging through postdoctoral lowly research jobs to become a physicist. Unquenchable sexual thirst and impressive mustache are highly encouraged but optional.
The alternative is you can dive for golf balls. It’s a real career. That’s not a gross euphemism.
A $100,000 a year clear diving for golf balls, plunging water hazards, rescuing loads of lost golf balls from the grim, and reselling them. Golf is made up of nearly $70 billion of the industry in the U.S., and balls can make up a large part of that. A box of a dozen decent new balls can easily cost in the region of 50 bucks, but the more budget-conscious golfer can instead visit a golf ball diver and pick up a dozen gently drowned ones for around $20.
Hundreds of millions of balls are estimated lost in the U.S. every single year, so the business is perfect. However, this is not an easy job. Hazardous such as gators, snakes, fishers, pesticides and fertilizers, and worse of all a golf ball divers have to put up with endless shaft and ball jokes.
Hee, hee. Shaft. Classic.
Bringing People’s Luggage to the Plane; You’ll Make More Than the Pilot
Spend years in flight school or a stint in an armed forces version of it and then spend more than 1,500 hours training in the air to achieve the certification to be able to fly commercial airline pilot.
Alternatively, you could be a skycap! It’s a decidedly less smooth title than “pilot,” however the guys who check in your luggage curbside at the airport make a good wage. They also assist with navigating the jungle of terminals, handing out boarding passes, helping people work out where in the labyrinth their shuttle or rental car resides, fetching wheelchairs and even help you wrangle your pets if you’re the kind of freak who brings a pet to the airport.
On average, skycaps are paid in line with restaurant servers – two to three dollars hourly. But unlike the waitresses at that rubbish airport restaurant, a skycap can rake in $75,000 to $100,000 a year in tips. It’s so lucrative that the CEO of one company that provides skycaps to airlines said, “I know several who don’t even bother cashing their salary checks because the tips are so good.”
We don’t know what they do with them instead. Flick football?