If you’re too young to remember when carrying a tiny computer in your pocket and on your wrist was not yet a thing, consider yourself fortunate. People used to bear the burden of walking around with physical maps, phone books, and human secretaries. Never the species to content itself with something good, humanity decided that putting tiny computers in everything was a fantastic idea. This has been a mistake. Fortunately, our wrong-ness is usually borne out in products that only people with more money than sense could ever acquire. To wit:
The Grill-Cleaning Robot
Summer holidays are supposed to be times where we can eat whatever we want and relax, which is how the Grillbot Automatic Grill Cleaner was created.
You could pay $6 for a hand scraper and suffer the never-ending indignity of cleaning your grill for 45 entire seconds. Or you could spend nearly $100 for a robot, charge it for four hours, and then let it spend 10 to 30 minutes cleaning the grill for you. Or until the robot reduces the grate to barbed wire.
The good part is that you don’t have to clean your grill anymore. The bad side is you have to disassemble the robot and then put the brushes in the dishwasher! Or you can forget the robot is there and cause a minor industrial accident the next time you want to cook steak outside. This is one way that you can spend a hundred dollars to make a simple task harder and waste extra time.
The Blanket that Plays Music
Summer is here. You can walk to your local park, roll out a blanket, lie down, and appreciate the beauty of the great outdoors. That is if anyone can talk you into turning your video game off long enough to remind you that “the great outdoors” is a thing. The one item that could make sunbathing in the park even more delightful: laying down to hear some fabulous music coming out of your blanket.
Right on cue, the Speaker Blanket has you covered. Only a non-cool chump would plug a pair of headphones into an iPhone and listen to music privately. Why do that when you can use a blanket that plays music for you?
Unfortunately speaker-in-blanket technology isn’t all that great and the speakers of one of the blankets will break more quickly than you can eat your ham sandwich, or so the Amazon reviews suggest.
An Egg Carton that Warns You of Rotten Eggs
There are lights on this egg carton to let you know which eggs are about to rot and which one is the oldest. Additionally, this carton also sends you a phone alert to let you know when an egg has gone bad. This smart carton also holds 14 eggs.
Once again, the sanctity of your refrigerator has been saved! Every egg is fresh because you know the millisecond one of them has gone bad and you can immediately replace it. We’ll always have meetings. We may not always have fresh eggs.