The small business and the large corporation do not live in the same universe. If a small business gets sued, even if they are in the right, simply fighting the lawsuit my drive them out of business. For the large corporation, getting sued is like announcing that the CEO got a pay raise – it’s not really newsworthy and it’s always expected. And of course they have an entire squadron of lawyers to argue their case. Sometimes, that argument is far more disgusting than what the lawsuit seeks to expose. Don’t believe us? Check these out.
Coca-Cola: “Only an Idiot Would Think Vitaminwater is Healthy”
Being a sales crook carries little consequence these days. Generally, a false advertising verdict is pretty much it. Even that isn’t much, because you can blame the consumers for falling for your nonsense.
When Vitaminwater was rolled out by Coca-Cola, its slogan was “vitamins + water = all you need.” The 120 calories and eight teaspoons of sugar kinda got left out. Vitaminwater also claimed it would improve the drinker’s metabolism, boost their immune system, and reduce the risk of eye disease. The biggest surprise was that they didn’t claim it would make you a sex symbol.
Glaceau, the subsidiary Coca-Cola created to house the product on its org chart, was sued for misleading the public with their advertising. But Coca-Cola’s lawyers actually argued that “no consumer could reasonably be misled into thinking Vitaminwater was a healthy beverage.” In other words, only a stupid idiot would think drinking a Coca-Cola product was healthy.
This dragged on for six years. Coca-Cola finally agreed to cease its misleading advertising. They added “with sweeteners” in the smallest font possible to the label of the bottle. Their statement included, “Although we remain confident in our legal position, it simply made no sense to continue this costly legal battle.” Translation: You’re wrong, but you’re also not worth it.
Pepsi Argues That Their Soda Would Dissolve a Mouse in Months
In the cola wars, Coke is the big dog and Pepsi is the little brother. Pepsi is always trying to out-do the older brother. Some of the shenanigans of both of them make it look like the classic sibling rivalry most of us have experienced.
7 Up Antioxidant made by PepsiCo, dropped any reference to antioxidants (such as the product name) after being sued for an artificial vitamin E level so low it wouldn’t help an insect improve its health. But that’s small-scaled compared to some of the soda in the inventory.
In 2009, an oil company worker from Illinois all edged he had found a dead mouse in his can of Mountain Dew. After vomiting (which you would also do), he contacted Pepsi. The company promptly sent a representative to secure the crime scene. However, when one of their poor interns had arrived, the incriminating evidence had already been destroyed. (We hope the next-rat-of-kin was notified.)
The rat-can-owner sued PepsiCo for over $75,000 for the emotional trauma. During the very brief trial, Pepsi called “experts” could scientifically disprove that a mouse carcass could have been floating around in the Dew, because the soft drink’s contents are waaaay too toxic for that. One expert testified that what the customer should have found was a “jelly-like substance.” All the mousy parts would have been dissolved by the refreshing battery acid that is Mountain Dew.
However, Pepsi settled out of court, its lawyer hastily stating that the matter “was settled for an undisclosed sum.” It sounds as if a “we mentioned jellied mice” tax was paid to get the story to die the same death as the mouse.
Dr. Oz Claims Giving Bad Medical Advice is an American Privilege
Dr. Mehmet Oz has a day job as a cardiac surgeon and professor at Columbia University. His true desire in life was to be a Hollywood star. An appearance on Oprah’s show as a medical expert set him on that course. He got given his own “informative” talk show to teach people about the latest discoveries in the field of medicine. Since he has become known as the Oprah of the medical community. That means in many believe he’s no longer fit to hand out medical advice either.
Dr. Oz loves to shill fad diet pills with little to no research backing up their assertions. The recent study by the British Medical Journal, recorded that half of Dr. Oz’s claims are not based on facts – in fact, he’s making stuff up as he goes. He calls these diet fads he promotes “miraculous,” like he’s some super-faith-healer, further increasing the size of his army of enemies.
Congress eventually called him to testify at a hearing. He actually made the questioning Senators seem logical. One said, “I don’t get why you need to say this stuff, because you know it’s not true.”
Oz chose to defend himself by invoking his God-given ability to dupe the American public. “My job is to be a ringmaster for the audience when they don’t think they have hope,” said Dr. Rah-rah. “When I can’t use language that is wordy flowery, that is jubilant, I feel like I’ve been disenfranchised.” Yes, he actually claimed the Senate was trying to censor him. We are looking forward to the “Making me stop lying is censorship” episode on the Dr. Oz Show. We’ll be watching, with popcorn ready.