Have you ever wondered why there are so many stereotypes about women being smart and men being stupid when it comes to romantic relationships? Why is that? It’s because men will do some of the most stupid things imaginable when trying to impress women. For example…
5. Faking Violent Crimes
Movies have created a hero fantasy around men saving their damsels from danger. Except then they never find any danger in real life. So they’re forced to fake it. What other possible option is there?
In 2004, an 18-year-old in Virginia was taking a girl on a romantic drive when they were accosted by two masked assailants, one wielding a knife and the other packing BB gun heat. The man acted quickly, wrestling the gun away and scaring the attackers off. He then called the police, and that’s where this hair-brained scheme began to unravel. Cops showed up with search dogs and a helicopter to find the thugs. Eventually, the man admitted that the robbers were friends, and he staged the whole thing to win back the girl who had dumped him.
Sadder than an 18-year-old doing this is the Oklahoma high school teacher who in 2004 paid students to duct-tape his wife during a fake robbery so he could save her. He even rigged a board to smash over one of their heads, WWE-style. Unfortunately, his wife did what people usually do during robberies and called the cops, ruining the plan. It’s kind of hard to tell someone, “No, don’t call the police! I, your husband, will handle the evil myself!”
Thanks to the magic of capitalism, there is now a theme park in Japan where you can hire people to help you act out your hero fantasy to impress your date. You can also pretend to defuse a bomb, or most dramatically heroic of all, pretend to donate blood in an emergency. Step aside, Superman, the real heroes are here.
4. Impersonating Cops
They say women like a man in uniform, but keep it within reason, bro. Don’t be like the guy in Arizona who entered a bar with a badge and a gun, claiming to be a U.S. Marshal. In true Marshal style, after the bouncers refused him entry, he went to sulk in the parking lot. Fun twist: Some off-duty cops who moonlight at the bar showed up for their shift, and the door staff told them about Marshal Make-Believe. The guy admitted his badge belonged to his dad, and said he was using it to impress a girl.
An uncle was the source for the uniform, gun, and car that an 18-year-old Florida guy used to impress his girlfriend. Only he didn’t stop there. He got so into it that he went out and fought crime for a while. He broke up a fight, pulled over someone to issue a warning, and at one point called for backup. Surprisingly he didn’t get any jail time for that, probably due to a loophole that says nothing in Florida is illegal if done for love.
As such, a guy in Tampa Bay hit up his local Walmart wearing a tactical vest emblazoned with the word “police,” as well as a gun belt. He proceeded to offer every excuse under the sun for why this happened, from “I’m a cop” to “My father was a border patrol agent and this is a tribute to him,” but he eventually admitted he was trying to impress a lady. Impress a woman by playing pretend in a Walmart? Yeah, that happens all the time.